12th August 2015
Let me go back a bit, to the morning hours when I had just got the news of G‘s death. After the first bout of howls and screams the first thought in my head was for the baby. The 2 embryos that were inside me were pieces of him that had to be saved. I was on progesterone supplements that included injections every 3 days. Today was one shot due. I had to take it before 10:00am. It was already 9:00am.
I sat his brother down and told him as best as I could that I could possibly be carrying his baby and I need to go and get that injection necessary to keep it. I had carried my meds with me. I thought – like the ignorant fool that I was – that since we are anyway going to the hospital, i’ll sneak in to the nurses station and get the shot and no one will know. Well, we weren’t at the hospital and weren’t going there anytime soon.
We were in a new town, even he didn’t know any clinics nearby. So we had to tell his cousin, who was a local and he took me to a small clinic. Tears kept streaming down my face and I’m sure the nurses must have thought i’m a nutcase. But I got it done and came back. I still had to wait a week to find out if the embryos had implanted and if I was pregnant. And I still had the issue of getting the next shot while in his ancestral town. I still didn’t want to tell anyone. I just wasn’t ready for it.
All through the next week, I would be hopeful. I wouldn’t cry much because I wasn’t supposed to stress. And I would think that I cannot suffer 2 big losses in a week. If god has taken him away, i’ll at least be left with a piece of him that I can call my own.
Did I get my wish? That remains to be seen.