The last days of mourning – or does it ever get over?

18th-21st August 2015

The next few days passed in a haze. Just sitting around from day-to-day the only thing I wanted was to get away from there and go home. We had one embryo left, and a sperm sample that they had frozen before the procedure just in case. The first thing I did was to make my BIL call the hospital and tell them not to destroy the sample in any event. We’ll come back and pay for the storage.  I was itching to get back and start the process of trying for a baby again. Just this time, G will be missing.

Days were getting oppressive, there really wasn’t anything I was doing, and the inactivity was driving me crazy. When I sat around, all I did was think about the events that had happened and it wasn’t helping. If I go home, I could do something to bring him back. Meanwhile, people were drifting in and out and offering condolences. I don’t know what they said.

Still, we had to wait for the rituals of the 12th and 13th days. This is where we offer prayers and food to the departed so that they may carry on to their journey satisfied. The parents and spouse aren’t supposed to participate, neither are any persons older than the deceased. In this case, there were very few people younger than him – he was just 32. And I really wanted to go! So we spoke to the priest and he allowed our attendance, we just couldn’t eat from the food that was part of the offering. There will be a separate meal for us. Still, I could go now! And that meant a lot.

For all these days – from 12th onwards – there was a lamp burning outside the house. With it were 2 bowls, one full of milk and one water. I was told this is for the soul to come and drink till it was bid goodbye on the 12th day. All these days when we were eating and drinking and generally living – he was getting milk and water!


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