On my doc’s recommendation, to improve my chances at IVF, I started seeing a counsellor and a dietician – 1 session a week with each. There is also acupuncture that I want to explore – an IVF cycle buddy recommended it. These visits to the consultants are keeping me busy and so is following their instructions. The most difficult probably has been the dietician. I had never followed any sort of diet in my life – ever. I was one of those people who laughed at those who counted calories and discussed their every meal. I loved food, and everyone knew it.
G used to say that I am happiest when I am eating. In fact on the last day he was alive, he sent across food for me. My maternal uncle (mama) was staying with us at that time. G had left town and I had headed off to finalize what would soon be the office for my new venture. From the road, he called mama and told him to take home some snacks for me as i’ll be hungry when I get back. And an hour later he called again to confirm if mama had bought the stuff. When I got home I was surprised, as mama never brought home food. I didn’t know that it was a last meal from G! It still is my greatest regret that I didn’t eat it.
So anyway, loved food. Don’t know if I do anymore ‘coz I don’t seem to be able to taste anything. I was also eating less on my own accord, but what I hadn’t stopped was sugar. I took 2 spoons of sugar in a cup of tea, and I had multiple cups in a day. I wasn’t fond of sweets, but there was considerable sugar I was downing. The first thing the dietician cut off the list was sugar. Then all fried items, rice, cereal, and oil went off, so did many of the veggies and fruits. She added to the quantity I was eating, but it was to be a very austere meal. The program seems to be working, I lost 1 Kg in the last week. Going today to see if there has been a further change.
I wasn’t a person of routine either. But there hasn’t ever been anything that I have followed more diligently. It feels good, because it’s a kind of penance. Don’t ask me for what, since I have already got the punishment. It’s interesting that there is no temptation to cheat. It feels good to be deprived of ‘things’ as if somehow it compensates that loss of the person. I know it makes no sense, it’s just how I feel.
The counseling is going on alongside. Is it helping? I don’t know…