The terrible tales of two lonely women

My mother has been hovering around me ever since G’s death; not leaving me alone for a minute. I thought considering what she’s been through herself, she’d know the difference between being alone and being lonely. She can fill the house with people, but she cannot fill the gap in my life.

Mom and I are on a parallel track now. She was divorced when she was 32, a year younger than I am. And I am left alone now. Before this, there was little similarity in what happened to us; life is strange that way. She had an abusive marriage, mine was a happy one. She left by choice, I was left no choice. She had 2 kids, I had none (or I lost 2 if you consider the failed embryo transfer). She walked out and thanked her stars, I am cursing mine. She had only horror to look back to, I have many happy memories.

But when I look at her life afterwards I am scared for myself. I have seen her struggle, breakdown, get back up and move on for us. She has carried her zest for life, but the┬ámany brickbats (in her day, divorce in India was taboo) have hardened her. She wanted a life of love, caring and appreciation for the arts. What she got was a horrid government job, and no one to even hold her hand and say I am there. She never remarried – she was worried a new father may not accept us. And now she is so lonely. I am scared that I will be a hard, bitter person too.

G & I always talked about getting her to marry again. Even now, 60 is not that old! We saw she feels left out everywhere and wanted to fill that gap. Now I am in the same boat. We are 2 lonely women, unable to offer solace to each other and I am dreading this life.

Loneliness – my biggest fear today.

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4 thoughts on “The terrible tales of two lonely women

  1. Loneliness is so consuming. But know that you can give each other such comfort. Loss is so painful, in both stories, but reach out to each other and those who are around you, even those here on these blogs. I have a similar experience. Am a widow and I know the road is lonely at times. I will be praying for you as I do all my sister widows. You are not alone.

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  2. Really sad post, sending virtual hugs and hopes for you both to find happiness again. For what it’s worth my mum was left devastated by the divorce and wasn’t the same for years… But she met her new partner in her late 50s and it was like her sparkle came back over night. Have friends whose mums have had similar experiences. Is online dating an option for her? We had to strong arm my mum into it but she’s really glad we did now! But it’s really only the past 5 years or so that it’s become socially acceptable in the UK. Used to be seen as a bit odd but now everyone’s at it. (Not suggesting you do it now though- I imagine you’ll need a lot more time to work through your loss and grief)

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