I don’t like being the odd one out. Perhaps because I never was. I don’t know how to be ‘single’; and I don’t like it either. I miss the intimacy of being a couple, the things that only 2 people who know each other inside out share, the comfort of being yourself around someone who completely accepts you the way you are. I miss walking with someone besides me, when everyone else is paired up.
A friend of ours is getting married in November. The only one whose wedding G won’t be able to attend. Recently when I met the gang in Delhi, we were all making plans for this occasion. God knows all of us could do with a cause for celebration! I want to go for the wedding – I HAVE to go. This is one of G’s best buddies we are talking about. But i’ll be alone there. Again! And i’d manage that somehow I thought. Till his fiancée (a very very sweet person) suggested an addition to the program.
A couples dance!
It was an innocent suggestion. She didn’t realize it till she said it – a very natural thing since it really doesn’t feel that G’s gone. But I noticed. And I knew I can’t participate in it. By design it’s something where I’ll be a misfit. The look on my face could have given it away, or she might have realized it, but the conversation topic changed immediately after.
And I hate that too. I don’t want people to walk on eggshells around me. Life moves on, I know it, as much as I may hate it. And I don’t want to be someone people avoid because I bring my gloominess to all occasions. I want to laugh with them, I want to celebrate with them, I want to be a part of things – just not an odd one!
I want him back.