I’m sorry, am I ‘moving on’ at your convenience?

If I hear one more time that I should move on i’m going to scream. Well I’m not, but i’m going to feel like screaming. It’s just been 2 months! It’s impossible to ‘move on’. Heck! I don’t even know what that means! And while some of them are rushing me into it, others are appalled at how soon I am moving on! “She’s already going to office!” “She isn’t crying every time G is mentioned!”

You cannot control MY grief. You cannot decided how long I should grieve, how often I should cry and whether or not it’s time for me to move on. I know sometimes people say it only because there is nothing else to say. And sometimes they are worried about me. And some of them are just being horrid (it’s a minuscule number, the wide majority has been nothing but supportive – touchwood for that!).

I am worried too, that people may think of me a spoil sport. I don’t want to be a wet blanket when people want to have a good time. I don’t want to cry all the time and I don’t; I cry at my own time and I think that should be allowed and accepted. I can’t stop talking about him; I know it could be getting tiresome. And I try to consciously control it – not really successful at that for now.

But I want people to understand when I make that effort. My own mother was ashamed of telling people that I have gone back to work. It was too soon for a respectable mourning period. There isn’t a TIME for mourning. I will always mourn him, I just don’t have to make a public display of it.

I need time, and I need tears and I need his baby. And then perhaps I will ‘move on’. Till then, let me be.

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2 thoughts on “I’m sorry, am I ‘moving on’ at your convenience?

  1. Amen!!!!!!! I went back to work two days after my father’s funeral (6 days after he unexpectedly passed away). The responses I got from coworkers were horrid. Six months later, I am still grieving. Just in a private matter. Like you said, it doesn’t have to be public. Take all the time you need to grieve and know that sometimes we may never “move on.” Instead, we just learn to live and cope with the loss. Many thoughts and hugs sent to you via the Internet. ❤️

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