I think we were made with some inbuilt defense mechanisms. Something in our systems that make us immune to grief. That give us the power to shrug off catastrophes and move on. Something that protects us from the overwhelming weight of sadness… unless it’s our own.
I think we need this mechanism to survive. Otherwise there is just too much grief in this world to bear. It’s crucial to our survival that we forget and move on. Unless.. it’s personal. And you don’t realize this until it happens to you. When your grief is overwhelming and the world is able to move on. And then you sometimes wonder… do they care at all?
But you have to re-focus and realize. It’s not them; it’s their internal mechanism that’s protecting them from drowning in YOUR grief. Imagine if you were in their place. Did you ever react to so many thousands of deaths happening over the world? Did you ever carry the burden of someone else’s grief? No, because it wasn’t personal. You had to leave it behind and move on. There were things to be done and life to be lived. And the same is happening now. It’s just that your machinery has malfunctioned, and their’s in working in overdrive.
Still it’s tough to see life carry on. It’s tough to be a part of it. It’s terrible to live so unanchored. It seems i’ve landed on my desert island. Yet, I wasn’t given the choice of 3 things I would carry.
If death was to give me that choice now i’ll choose G, our baby and a video camera.