Saturday happened and I managed with minimal salt water shedding. I kept myself busy, and filled the house with people. I even cleaned up well and wore my cinderella shoes. So there was no time to think and mope, other than the night howling I’d already done.
I’m really blessed with good friends. A whole lot turned up and we stayed up drinking, eating and talking till wee hours in the morning. Just the kind of thing G would have liked. People were also very sporty about the #HappyBirthdayG project and posted their pics on his wall, raising a toast to the person he was.
At a point in time, a bunch of them went out to smoke. It must have been 2:00am and the night watchman in our society was doing his rounds. He whistles when he does that, just to scare away any unwanted elements. And these people started whistling back at him. So you’d hear the guard’s whistle and then one from this group. And that really made me think of G – because this is exactly the kind of mischief he’d get up to!
I also bought myself a gift – a ring in rose gold with 2 butterflies that move. I think he owed me a present. The question is what do I get him? Others got me presents as well, and came over to help with the arrangement. Very thoughtful things they were, and my sis went an extra mile to collect videos of friends wishing G on his birthday and talking about him. I also got a framed pic of him, some potted plants, lovely flowers and chocolates and a lot of other stuff.
It was almost like he was at the party. Chatting away somewhere in a non-stop smoker’s space. I got some comments saying how I am brave and have an indomitable spirit or how I’m keeping him alive. I am not sure I am doing any of that. I guess I’m just trying to keep myself sane, trying to get myself back in the system, hoping and praying to get back on track and just blend in again. Of course, I want to keep him alive, but I am realistic enough to know that it can’t be forever. I can share his memories on FB, but that’ll last only a year. There will be no new memories. I can check his phone for calls and messages but they will stop coming eventually. I can organize these parties to fend off loneliness, but someday this will end too. There is no way to a ‘forever’ and I know that our story has ended. It’s just a matter of time till I have to accept it. And yes, knowing and accepting are very different things.
Anyway, like all things, the party came to and end and finally at 4:00am I fell asleep. I had another long day planned on Sunday. Woke up after a mere 3 hours of shut eye to get ready for a trip to Mysore. My cousin had come down to meet me and her li’l kid wanted to see the Mysore Zoo. The entire day was set aside for the trip; 6-7 hours in the commute and 5 odd hours for visiting the zoo and watching the palace lighting.
I was already hungover and exhausted and the trip added to it. So the only thing I could do was come and crash. It was a deep sleep – after a long time. Perhaps getting exhausted is a good idea. Maybe I should explore more physical activity instead of fiddling with electronics the whole day?
Note to self – get back on the diet and start exercising. Perhaps dance? Or cycle? Have to get back in shape for the next retrieval. An update coming soon.