It isn’t a happy birthday

So tomorrow is my birthday. I wish people wouldn’t say happy birthday. What’s happy about it? What would you wish someone on an unhappy birthday?

And there is no way you can make me feel better. So don’t try. Except perhaps by not acknowledging the day and leaving me alone. That would help a lot! Really.

I’m feeling so bummed out and stubborn. And I am not a nice person when I get that way. Even reminding myself to smile and wave is not going to work. Seriously, I feel like screaming to high heavens.

IT’S NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

My friend came over today evening, she’s probably the only one who really gets it. Having been through it herself. I admitted that I’m going to be an ass and not cut any cakes or anything, and she got what I was saying. Simply that the feeling of celebration isn’t there. What’s the use of going through motions when they don’t mean anything?

And the thing is everyone who is wishing me means well. And so, me not wanting them to wish me makes me the bad guy here. How is that fair?

There really should be a book that prepares people for these things. And not the sappy, preachy books but solid advice on what to do and what not to do. Interviewing people who’ve lost loved ones on their experiences would really help avoid a lot of heartache.

How is a wish going to make me feel better? All I really really want to do is pretend it’s just another day and go to sleep.

And no, G didn’t give me flowers or chocolates and even cakes were rare. Just because I always found this a bit silly. You know what we did usually on my birthday? We went to bed around 1opm the night before. And then he’d wake me up at 12:00 and I was allowed to unwrap my ‘present’ i.e. him. Can someone offer that?

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Well then just let it be!

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4 thoughts on “It isn’t a happy birthday

  1. Forgive the people. It’s tough for them to gather and piece together the enormity of emotions. It’s nice of some people to be there, good intentions not withstanding- they just don’t know what and how do deal with this. Grief is personal. So forgive the people who don’t get it. But treasure them, cause these are the only people who will turn up anytime you need them.

    Liked by 1 person

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