At a loss for words

There are no words today. I don’t know what to write. My mind is blank. Am I exhausted? I don’t know.

So much has been happening. Nothing productive. Just restlessness.

I met his parents this weekend and decided to talk about him. Things that they may not know about us. How we met, our friendship, our college days. Happy times, good memories. It was fun to talk about it. Till the conversation turned to how he died. That was not a good part. While we were talking about the good things it was like he was almost there. That he’d turn up laughing at the door any moment. But then the moment was gone and he was dead again.

Then I got in a fix with my stim shots. It was a Sunday and the clinic I go to here was closed. I tried a few more with no luck. So after almost an hour of running around, I had to ask a friend to give me the shots. She had never done that before, but was thankfully brave enough to stab me.

For the past few days my shoulders have been really stiff and painful. I went for my day 6 scan today and it almost took me 3.5 hours to get the scan, get the report and medications. By the time I was done I had a blinding headache. I went for a desperately needed head massage and even before I was done with it work called. A last minute call came up and I had to rush home to take it. There went all the good the massage had done. And the last minute rush didn’t help my heartbeats either – they were racing away by the time I logged on the call.

Finally finished it and collapsed in a heap of tears. My scan report hadn’t been good. The follicles are not growing that well and the number looks less too. Hopefully things will improve in the next few days. I hope they do. I don’t think I have the stamina for a 4th cycle.

I have to get G’s sample to Mumbai too. For fertilization in the next cycle. I’m quite psyched about getting it there safely too. I am not looking forward to the conversation with the Bangalore hospital but I guess it’s time to do that. Made a note for tomorrow.

Let’s see how it goes.


11 thoughts on “At a loss for words

  1. Are those booty or belly shots? I’m terrible with shots as well, glad you found a friend to help. FYI the Sher Fertility videos on YouTube are the BEST for how to do the intramuscular ones if you need a friend to help you again – very comprehensive without being intimidating 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Belly shots. These are subcutaneous so fairly simple to give. Just that I can’t look at it myself! But the stun isn’t going well this time. Lesser follicles and those too are not developing well 😦 a bit psyched. Thanks for the tip though. Will check the videos out.


      1. I’m going to have the first blood test day after. Today was day 6. So I guess will find out then. We didn’t do a test before starting this cycle since this is my 3rd one in a row and the values were pretty good for the 1st one.


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