Down the drain

My stim cycle was cancelled yesterday at Day 8. Only 3-4 follicles were growing well and it didn’t make sense to put more effort and money in picking those. My goal is to get as many eggs as possible and 3-4 per cycle just doesn’t cut it.

So a lot of pricking, prodding, poking and money down the drain. Not to mention morale. I knew something wasn’t right. After so much research you start understanding how things work. And I knew the overall number looked really low. I also didn’t have any pain even though I was well in to the cycle and that was weird too. So when my doctor messaged saying we have to cancel, I wasn’t surprised. Just crushed. I was in office then, with a new resolution to be cheerful, and I was managing pretty well. We were working on something when the news came and the first response was to break down in tears. But I didn’t want to do that. Enough of crying really. So I carried on with work and finished that piece in a few minutes. Didn’t trust myself for anything else though, so came home and fell asleep for an hour.

I told my friends the news when I woke up and they trooped in to give me company. Some saying it’s ok and some trying to convince me that I should stop torturing myself and just adopt a baby. It’s strange really, when G was around, I was the one in favor of adoption and he was the one wanting his DNA propagated. Now I can’t think of adoption before I get this one. How priorities change!

Anyway, so the diagnosis was that I was probably not able to do the stim well and so it’ll be better if I did the whole cycle in Mumbai like last time. The doc put me back on birth control yesterday and I have to restart the new cycle in 15-20 days. So no embryo transfer in March and no December baby. Probably people who don’t want me to do this – and there are many – would be happy. Every time something goes wrong there is a chance that I might give up. Well, to each his own I guess. Let’s see what happens.

For now, down and out!

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