I think I’m having the after effects of progesterone – weird dreams. I had one the day before where I saw G, decked up in traditional garb on the ceiling. And I woke up from one just now – which was almost like a full fledged movie.
We were in my nani’s (maternal grandmother) house in Jaipur. I saw her rooms, her terrace, but instead of the people who usually live there it was G, me, my cousin, a friend and some other people. Even though I just woke up from it, the sequence of events is already jumbled in my head.
One thing is certain though – I die. And then G is upset and he mourns me and they cremate me. I see him putting vermilion on my forehead and the funeral procession. I see my sister distraught and trying to come over before I am all gone.
But I died without prior warning, like G. And so there is so much left undone. So I stay behind as a shade and I go and find G and talk to him. I write him notes to tell him my bank account details, login IDs, and any information that can help him manage things now that I am not there. And slowly he can see me. It’s time for me to go, but he doesn’t let me. So I stay on and we continue our lives as they were.
But I am a mere shade, and somehow in the dream suddenly G is one too. And then the confusion starts. I don’t know if I died first or he did. And there is a feeling that one of us jumped off a building. But here we are 2 shades, hanging around. Now people can also see us and talk to us. And we are working on something. We sit together on 2 tables on my nani’s terrace in twilight. We laugh and joke and banter, but we don’t belong here anymore.
So he looks at me and I look at him and we sort of know what we have to do. We walk towards each other, hold our hands and walk to the edge of the terrace. Suddenly the house is much taller and the city beneath it is gone. We can see green fields spreading out as far as we can see. There are people behind us now, whispering. Some of them don’t know we are already dead. We look at each other still holding hands and with a final smile jump off.
No we don’t hit the ground – we are shades remember. So we just dissolve in thin air and are gone. Just like that. Then a friend is seen writing our story.
It was so vivid – like a fantasy story – every detail chalked out, everything clear and very movie like. There is still so much I don’t remember know. But I can’t call it a nightmare. It would have been if only G was gone in the story. Being together is a happy state, no matter how.
Too bad that dreams have nothing to do with reality. I can’t see his shade around me!