It’ strange that just 7 months ago everything in my life was about achievement and ambition. It felt like time was running out too soon and we’d not have enough of it to make our mark on the world.
And today when I sit writing this; I have nothing but time.
G’s going changed my perception of time and what one must do with it. It changed my priorities overnight. I don’t care about making a mark on the world anymore. I know my time is better spent with people I care about. I know now that it’s people who give meaning to time. And when people are gone, time is worthless. It becomes something you don’t know what to do with.
I’m in no rush anymore. G’s time was up too soon, And I know my day will come too. Then I’d be free of this daily grind we try and call living. But until that day comes, I don’t want to waste a moment. I don’t want petty fights anymore, or be upset about things that I have no control on. I don’t want to get bogged down by the demands of having a certain social status. I want to spend whatever is left of my time on things that matter.
And when I say this, I don’t mean to cut myself off from earning a livelihood altogether. Before G’s accident I’d just quit my job and started a consultancy with 2 partners. They’ve slogged all this while to keep the concern going and I’ve had too many days off. So it’s my time to go back to work. But work as it fits in my life and not vice versa.
Hopefully I started a new chapter today. I went cycling with a friend – it was brilliant. Though everything hurts now, I am happy. Maybe I can even sleep well? I hope to make it a weekly ritual. Just be on secluded roads, surrounded by trees, in the early morning cool. A glorious way to spend your time. It helped that it was followed by an awesome breakfast 🙂
I’m done with the days of spending days and nights on work. I am done with being a workaholic. I am done with wasting my time. It’s mine to do what I want with it and if I want to spend it laying about on my couch with a good book; that’s exactly what I’ll do.
I just think life has a very cruel way to teach us these lessons. I would have learnt even if the hand dealt to me was a bit gentler. G’s cousin told me “Life only gives us what we are strong enough to handle”. I just hope so! I just HOPE so!