A baby shower that could have been mine

I went for a very dear friend’s baby shower today. She was pregnant in August, the same time that I would have been had my first ET worked. So essentially this could have been a shower for me too… just that it wasn’t.

But I went happily, the 2 margaritas that I tucked away helped maintain that mood. It was while coming back that the situation smacked me in the face! I was thinking of G, how he was a couple of days before his death – in his black shirt, long curly locks still wet from the shower, grinning at the prospect of a party night ahead. I was thinking how beautiful he looked. And then of course the thoughts wandered to how beautiful our baby would be. Would have been in the next 2 months. And I’d be glowing with progesterone overdose right now and refusing alcohol.

The conversation was around everyone’s experiences around childbirth, what did the dads do, and I was just thinking how am I going to go about it. A friend of mine says I think too far ahead – thinking up names already, the procedure I want, the doctor, who’s going in the OT with me. I’m working on too many details and I might be disappointed.

Well one thing I think I’ve learnt is how to deal with disappointments. It’s actually a laughable term now. If I can deal so well (as people say) with G’s going, I can deal with anything!

So long story short, I wanted this to be mine and it wasn’t. There’s disappointment right there. What must one do? Fill in the gap some other way. So now I’m contemplating getting a dog. Though that might be a bad idea on many levels. Let’s see. What do you think? Should I, should I not?


8 thoughts on “A baby shower that could have been mine

  1. Here’s what I have to say. I have three dogs and two cats.. And I LOVE my animals. They know when you’re feeling down (especially the dogs). They come and sit by you when you cry, and cuddle you, and wag their tails till you feel better. Yes, having a dog is a lot of work. And in the beginning it’s hard to get them potty trained and well behaved. But in the end, they’re there for you. They love you unconditionally, they want you to be happy, plus they bring light into a dark (and lonely) home. It seems to me what you might need right now is something to love, to hold, that’s alive, a companion. And I can tell you from my expeirence, that a dog does the job well.

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  2. Absolutely get a dog. I don’t know how I’d stay afloat if it wasn’t for my Ruby girl and all that love she gives me every day and something else to focus on besides my own stuff. It won’t fill the void but it will give you much needed adoration! 🙂

    PS – you’re a stronger woman than I for going to the shower…I can look at little kids but not pregnant bellies. Well, and even before the infertility I hated baby showers and the weird games and googoogaga stuff that some women do at them. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🙂 really inclined to get one. My only worry is – can I take care of it. And what happens when I travel for my treatments which I still have to do. So evaluating for now – more for the dog’s sake than mine :).

      For the shower – I had to. It was a very dear friend. And if things had worked we’d be pregnancy buddies. Just that the timing of it was a little tough. Alcohol helped 😉


      1. I consider my dog just like my kid. Wherever I go, she goes, for the most part – and if for some reason she can’t go, I get a sitter. Same reasoning as if you had one kid and were trying to get pregnant with a second (except more people are usually willing to watch someone’s dog than someone’s baby!).

        Liked by 1 person

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