In the last 7 months one thing has become clear to me – I have to tread my own path, I alone have to care for myself, and I will never know pampering again. Instead I have to put in more effort to care for others.
I think i’ve put down the things G did for me often enough. But not having them anymore the only thing I can do is talk about them. And i’ve been missing it terribly. Just a day of not having any cares. Of someone else taking things in their hands. Of not bothering what to do for food, or which bills are yet to be paid, or the work that’s yet to be done. Of having the aches and pains gently rubbed off. Of having tea in bed as his repentance of coming in late the night before.
Oh how much I troubled him!
I fussed over him too. I loved to take care of him, but I did nowhere close to the lengths he went for me. And now I know I must not expect those happy times to come back. So that chapter of my story is closed. No more expectations, no more brooding over what ifs. If it’s just me for myself, then so be it.
I can wait to be pampered till we meet again – and that we will. And G – you gotta make up for all this you know.