Empty –>Furious

I was upset yesterday, very lonely and lost. Didn’t have a great night. And today I woke up furious. Angry with the world in general and their stupid expectations. I think people could sense it, and I wanted them to know that I was angry. I wanted to lash out at someone, anyone.

But I didn’t.

I thought I ate up the anger.

But I haven’t.

It’s still there, lurking inside, bubbling in my throat as words that I daren’t say. Pouring out sometimes as hot tears, and sometimes choked back in with a gulp.

People did try to make me feel better, but I didn’t let them.

If I let the anger go I’ll be left with the emptiness again. It’ll just be me again. The anger kept me company today. It was there to deal with things I’m not strong enough to deal with. It was there to accept things that I couldn’t have otherwise. It was there to scream at life; to say it’s okay if you screw with me now, because I’ll have my day too, and it won’t be pretty. It’s still here when everyone else is gone.

I think I like the anger. It’s way better than the emptiness.

I think I’m going to keep it.

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4 thoughts on “Empty –>Furious

    1. Yes it is :)… Because I’m struggling to redefine my life. It isn’t what it was for the past 15 years, and I guess that sudden a change makes one crazy. So yes, to expect me to live my life while I’m still figuring it out is silly. Do it not my friend – just let me be. ☺️

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  1. Be whatever you need to be. This is a physically and emotionally draining journey and in then end you need to do what is right for you and be gentle with you. Be angry but please don’t let it take hold of you. You are strong. Really really strong. I am in awe of so much of what you have done and are trying to do. I am in awe of how in touch with yourself you are on this journey. That alone is a super huge thing. Screw everyone else and their expectations. We will live again, but we have to learn how. We are a work in progress and how long that ‘in progress’ lasts is our business and no-one else.

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