I haven’t written in a while, the inability to type is to blame. The hand isn’t healing very well, and I’m not really taking good care of it either. I write this even when I am not supposed to be typing, because thoughts have been whirling in my head these few days. And if I don’t write I collapse in to sobbing fits like I did last night. Perhaps the bottle of wine was to blame too, but I made a fool of myself sobbing away in front of my friends.
Usually if I am upset in public, I cry quietly and wipe away my tears. Not so yesterday. I cried like how I usually cry alone. I tried to look sane but the tears and sobs wouldn’t stop. I knew I should have never gone out. Especially when I am the odd one out in couples. It never goes well for me and this time it just turned in to a big embarrassment too. Though my friends were great – they didn’t mention the sobbing, just sat quietly and let me get it out. They stayed till I had a handle on myself again, and was ready to go to bed. Perhaps if I had been writing I wouldn’t have had a breakdown. So here I am again, and I have a lot to talk about.
First, some visions I’ve been having, and I’d really like some views here. I’ve been seeing things about G’s accident that I haven’t seen in reality. I saw the accident as it would have happened from inside the car. As if I was in the back seat and the sequence of events. I saw the scene on the road post accident. I saw how his relatives would have spent the night knowing while his parents and I sped down to meet him. I wasn’t there in any of these places, yet I can see it so vividly! Anyone else has had this experience? Or am I just going crazy?
Apart from that I’ve spent some productive time trying to start some initiatives from a trust fund in his name. I’ve met people, spent some time with NGOs and people who work in them, and finally I am putting together a funding proposal which if it goes through will provide vocational training to underprivileged women. It’s one of the things that’s keeping me positive. Knowing that something is progressing. Something in his name that’ll make a difference to people’s lives.
And finally, a new life is coming home. I went and got myself a labrador retriever. Meet Hash (in the pic) who’ll be home very soon. I’m super excited, a bit apprehensive, but very happy that I will finally have some company. And all those hugs i’ve been whining about, well, I can get them now…