i am shaking, my fingers are uncertain, my breath heavy adn my heart is hammering in my chst. I am feeling such a surge of anger that I had to drop everything and write this.

i was taking some laundry to wash and picked up G’s phone i still share his memories on FB and just opened to see the notifications… and there it was… fuck I can’t type and I am dizzy. my head is swimming. I need to vent…

there was a comment from the guy who was in the car with him. i’d posted the pic g updated as his profile pic last year. my fingers arent working. and ths guy commented on it/ saying he missed g. and the world spun. everything is going in slow motion now.

i hate him, and that he is there to write that, and that he would dare write it. he killed g, he killed him, whys he here. why is he scriwing wiht my head. fuck it…i hate it i hate him

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5 thoughts on “

  1. I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. I can imagine how extremely hard that is for you. Another blogger helped me realize that Facebook wasn’t good for my depression and grief. So I quite to get rid of those triggers. I would never go back. Maybe something you want to consider? Or is there a possibility that you could block this guy from the page? I am sending you many thoughts and prayers. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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    1. 😦 thanks. I’m feeling a bit better now. I guess that was just extreme reaction to a surprise. I didn’t expect any of this! I hadn’t blocked him earlier ‘coz I wanted to keep all of G’s stuff as he would have. I guess I have no choice now. This one needs to go!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart broke for you reading this. I read it days ago but wasn’t able to type a reply because I was too upset for you and for me. It completely sucks that we are having to navigate this. I get it. I completely get what you are saying. He is a huge trigger and I hope you’ve done what you need to, so there’s no chance of this happening again.

    Months after Daniel died I found out we knew the driver of the other vehicle. I was sitting waiting for an appointment when his wife saw me and came and sat and ask how the girls and I were doing. We talked and then she said “I’m not sure if I should say anything, maybe you already know, but X was the driver of the van.” Everything around me ceased to exist as I processed what she was saying.

    Months after this, not entirely sure what my feelings towards his involvement was, I was driving and saw him walking along the street. My initial reaction was that I wanted to swerve my car and run him down. I was so god damn angry that he was walking along the street like he didn’t have a care in the world. What then followed was a massive anxiety attack. One of the worst I’d ever had. It seemed like he was their to taunt me because after that at least once a month I’d see him and every time I would have the same reaction. It was a huge part in why I moved the girls and I away from our town.

    I know my thoughts of him not having a care in the world are not fair. I know it’s affected him in a massive way. No-one that was involved in the accident that day walked away whole – especially not him as the driver of the other vehicle. But for me, as Daniel’s wife – he’s always going to be THAT person.

    Hugs xxx

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    1. It was a good decision to move away. Some people might think we aren’t being fair but they aren’t going through what we are. And to be honest I don’t see anything wrong in being angry. I hate the fact that he’s still here when G is not, and I’ll hate him forever for it. I can imagine what it must be like for you to see him. 😢

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