…I’d tell you that I am tired of waiting. And it wouldn’t be the first time I’d be saying that.
Just this morning I got news that I won’t be getting Hash – the lab pup I’d been so excited about – on the scheduled date. Instead I have to wait another week. This is just like the baby project, I keep setting a timeline to it and my body just refuses to follow it. And so I have to wait – till I reach the number of eggs my doc and I agreed on. It’s almost 8 months and I am still waiting.
There is a conspiracy going on – my packages get delayed, funds go missing, paperwork is never ending, it’s just an endless cycle of wait, wait and more wait.
Just for once i’d like instant gratification please!
And perhaps you would tell me patience has its reward. Maybe… but what if I’m not around to take it? I could die too, and all this wait would be futile.
Then we’ll move on to the subject of death, and I’ll tell you that the way we treat death is bizzare. When people die they don’t give up their right to privacy. Why do we strip them naked to prepare for the last rites? Why do we cut them open for postmortem? Why do we go through things, poke in personal stuff, find things that were never meant to be found? Why don’t we just let things be? I am guilty of this myself. I looked through G’s stuff – his papers, his email account, his laptop, his wardrobe. At that time things needed to be found. There were papers to submit, accounts to be closed, and other stuff that was needed for all his concerns to function. Just that they weren’t his concerns anymore.
I think if I had time to think over it. If there wasn’t such an urgency to settle everything. I would not have done what I did. I would not have looked through anything. I would have just closed it up – forever. I wouldn’t want anyone to run through my things when I am gone. I wouldn’t want them to analyze and judge my affairs and how I managed them. I wouldn’t want them to see my personal conversations. I wouldn’t want them to riffle through my clothes.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you that perhaps it’s high time we got more dignity after we are gone…