Today I went and met someone to get some ideas about how to take forward the trust fund I’ve set up in G’s name. And as I sat explaining to him why I can’t be the point person for the trust and why I need an administrator to run the daily operations, it struck me that I’ve probably bitten more than I can chew.
Let’s see, so the first thing is being the only breadwinner – effectively no one to watch your back if you lose your earning potential. It’s not like I have no one – both my families would do anything for me. What I mean is there is no one now from whose wallet I could take money out without asking. So ya, that sort of puts pressure on you. The need to work; which wasn’t there before.
Moreover the work I have now is my own business – so there is no surety of income. If we get work, we get a salary, it’s as simple as that. So it isn’t like a corporate setting where even if you don’t have a project you can chill and get cash in the bank at the end of the month. It’s also uncertain how much money you’ll get, so you can’t really plan for expenses. And I have no savings to fall back on!
To add to that I’ve got Hash – the super cute lab pup who’ll be home in a few weeks. So that’s an added expense as well. Not to mention the humongous responsibility! This when the responsibility of the whole house is on me too. I have to fix everything that goes wrong. I have to be home for repairs, deliveries. I have to remember to pay the bills. And now I have to feed the dog, groom him, walk him, clean up after him! Phew!
Then there are my trips to Mumbai for the IVF treatment. I manage to continue work for as long as I can when I go there, but it’s a big drain. The treatment itself is a major thing eating up all my time and energy. And hopefully when I come back this time I’ll be pregnant. So that’ll be a whole new chapter. And if it works, I’ll have a baby AND a dog AND a full time job. Life would not be dull!
So it was obvious when the person I met said I should rethink the trust bit and perhaps do it later. But I can’t do it later. What if there IS no later. I just have to go with the scenario that I cannot be available for this work as a full time occupation. I can be the enabler, I can be the support, but I need someone to run the day to day operations for me. But even with that, I think I have my plate full. All I need is a cape and a mask!