Four years ago this month we went to the north east India for our friends’ wedding. Since we were going all the way, we decided to club it with a trip to places in and around Guwahati. So we covered Shillong, Cherapunji, Kaziranga and Gangtok. We walked in the clouds, saw the famous rhinoceros, and sailed on the mighty Brahmaputra.
It was the first ever trip with my family – mom and sis. And it reinforced one of the best things about G. He took care of my family like they were his own. Not even I can match up to what he did.
I look through pictures every day, and it’s hard to believe that they are all I have now. Sometimes when I read something funny, or play with Hash, or watch an interesting thing on TV I turn around to ask his opinion. And when I don’t see him, there is a moment of confusion before reality sets in. And then I shiver, and wonder how it can be?
I miss taking decisions together. Even simple things. Like I had to buy a new water purifier today and I didn’t know which one. He did those things, researched, compared, found the best deal. I was cluelessly staring at the screen and then I just bought the first one I came across. He’d have slapped his forehead if he knew I did this. Perhaps he’s doing that right now wherever he is.
It’s tough without him. Like missing a vital piece of me. I am not so sure about anything now. Simply put, I am scared. And uncertain. That devil may care attitude died with him. He was the backbone to my swagger. When he was around, I believed we could conquer the world. Now I’m just living out my days. Sometimes I wish I have an accident too. Then I can leave all the cares, worries, everything behind me. Then someone else will have to deal with stuff. And I’ll have peace.