When dead give way to the living

I still have G’s phone and I look through messages, calls, and whatsapp on a daily basis. I don’t read the messages, just open the chat and close it to mark them as read. We never read each others conversations earlier, and I don’t plan to do it now. Just seeing them unread makes me a bit crazy, so I go and fix that.

After his death a lot of his friends and relatives changed the group chat display pictures on whatsapp to his photo. One such group was a gang of very close college friends. Today when I opened whatsapp, his pic was missing. Instead it was a pic of a group that had recently gone vacationing. And just like that the dead had given way to the living.

I had known it’ll happen some day. I had thought of changing it myself to prevent the sadness I was sure will come if someone else changed it. But the thought remained and the deed was done by someone else.

It’s such a strange thing about memories. Some of us are left to live them everyday and some of us have the privilege of leaving them behind. At least they are done with their mourning and life beckons. Not so for us…

Am I being too morose without reason? This month has been especially bad. It doesn’t help when the baby project gets derailed (when does it not!). I was hoping to start my medication by 15th June and go for the procedure in July. But it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. My body just refuses to cooperate. And I am constantly angry…

Maybe I should take a break? A vacation just by myself? I haven’t done that before… would be something new to do. I need to get rid of this constant headache, without the pills of course…

Time to get back to some sort of schedule?


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