Turning in to a tortoise

Yup, that’s what’s happening to me. I was watching Popcorn today when I figured this out. He spends most of his time hiding under his shell and only peeps out once in a while, mostly to eat. And as soon as even a mere shadow falls on him, he retreats, back in to the safety of his shell.

That’s exactly what I am doing.

My home is my shell and I’ve been hiding here for some time now. I hate venturing out, but some times it is essential.So I take a quick peek, and if things look reasonably safe, I step out. And when I do get out, I find myself lost. So I run back in.

Today was one of the days I got out. I had to go for a meeting. And then I thought I’ll spend some time in office. But it’s an alien place for me now. I am not comfortable there. So I ran back, and here I am, back on my couch, typing away.

Something nostalgic did happen though. The meeting I went to was right next to a sweet shop that Gaurav and I frequented. It’s beautiful weather, and he’d have never passed it by without a snack. So I stopped too and ate a dal kachori and a jalebi. Oh, how he loved jalebi and made me addicted to it too! Wherever we lived he would find a roadside jalebi maker – usually a cart with various other fried items such as mirchi ke pakode, papad etc. and he’ll get parcels of it everyday. Snacking on these became a routine for us for a few years!

The rains have started in Bangalore – another first without him. Fried, spicy food is called for in this season. I wish he’s get me a parcel today 😦

 

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4 thoughts on “Turning in to a tortoise

  1. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I met you and Gaurav only once (ironically it was on your wedding day). How and why I was there is a story for another day but I still remember how happy the two of you looked. Memories have the funniest way of turning up, especially at the moment when you least expect it and particularly sometimes when you are at your most vulnerable. Don’t shy away from them. Most people don’t get it especially when they take it for granted that you should’ve moved on by now just because they have. It’s okay to allow yourself to grieve and feel the way you do. It’s perfectly okay to still cry. Just take it one day at a time, step by step and soon you’d have moved mountains without even realising it. My prayers are with you.

    Liked by 1 person

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