Every passing day of this last year has made me believe more in fate. Que Sera, Sera – what will be, will be. And now events are unfolding that make me sure that wherever Gaurav is, he’s still watching over me.
Last year this time we were getting ready to start our first IVF cycle, and here I am today, starting my last egg retrieval. The pill has started, to be stopped by 12/13th of July. I stopped it the same time last year when I came back from the family gathering we’d gone to. According to the ovulation cycle then, we started hormone injections on 17th of July and my egg retrieval and fertilization happened on 30th July 2015. If we go by current status, it looks likely that this time to the retrieval and fertilization will happen around the same time. And I have a haunch it’ll be 31st July this time.
According to Indian calendar, that date will mark 1 year of Gaurav’s death.
If fertilization happens on 31st, we’ll have living embryos, one of which hopefully will become our baby. It seems like poetic justice that he comes back to me on the day he left me. And if signs are anything to go by, it looks extremely likely. Keeping my fingers crossed.
This week I’ve started a regime to help me keep calm. I’ve taken a break from work and my partners have been lovely through all this. I go for walks every morning, then 1 hour of prenatal yoga, some afternoon naps, a walk in the evening again, and good food. I’m trying to keep as calm as possible and not take any stress. I’ve stopped drinking. And yesterday I even went for some Deva Detox with Crystal Therapy. I don’t know if it’s going to help, but I saw no harm in trying.
It also helps that I have met some lovely people courtesy Hash. There are 2 couples who walk their dogs around the same time that I do, and we’ve become friends. It’s good to do idle chit chat and I think it lightens the load a lot.
An added comfort is a full time help that I have hired. I’ll need support the day I come back, and I needed someone to be on hand to help. She’s good – clean, soft spoken, cooks decently well, and is hardworking. She even folded my socks without being asked to. With this worry of housekeeping gone too, I think I am finally approaching a zen state.
I’m feeling much better overall, and in a happy, positive state of mind that it’ll work. I’ll be leaving for Mumbai on 12th or 13th July. It’s about to start, and I am super excited!
Please keep me in your thoughts and send some good wishes my way. I really need this to work!