Your positivity can flow out for instance. Your aches and pains can come back (the wrist hurts like hell). Your plans can change…
I have been thinking everyday of putting up a post but I have desisted, mainly because I felt that my thoughts for Gaurav were becoming too oriented around the blogs. So while I thought about many good moments that we had, I didn’t put them down in words here. Strangely after writing for almost a year I am hesitant to share things. I’ve written about some of our most intimate memories, and yet now I struggle to put down anything else. Is it because I fear the memories will run out? Even this post is going to be about updates, not about us.
Update 1: Starting the last egg retrieval and the first embryo transfer
I’ve received 2 BFPs from 2 IVF buddies – one that I met online here on wordpress and one who I met during my first cycle. I’m very happy for them, and I hope we can be pregnancy buddies too (so really hoping this works for me!)
I started on the pill on 28th June, and the side effects are already showing. I feel sick and bloated, and it’s hard to retain any positivity. The last post, just a week ago was in a chirpy vein, and now it’s a miracle that i’m putting this blog up without heaving all over the laptop.
Plans for Mumbai are murky at best. This will be my longest stay there – arriving a few days before the cycle starts and staying the extra time for ET. You can get in to anyone’s hair in such a long stay. I can’t afford a hotel and the uncertainty about food that’ll bring – i’ll have to eat out most of the time then. An old colleague and Gaurav’s cousin have both been kind enough to offer me their place. I’m thinking i’ll split the stay – a few days here and a few there. Just can’t figure out which part to spend where!
I’m also taking a help along. I’d recently hired a live in maid, and a friend suggested I take her along to help with little things. I thought it over and if nothing else, she can run around if I need anything in the hospital, give me a back rub when I most need it and while coming back help with the luggage. It’s extra expense to take her along, but considering this is my last try I’m willing to give anything a go.
Update 2: Crystal therapy has waned off
I was quite happy, positive, and lighthearted for 2-3 days after I came back from Crystal Therapy. I don’t know if that was the effect of the crystals or the Yoga I had started on the same day. Whatever it was, it kept me in a good mood. Now that’s history. I really think it’s the pill that gets me down in the dumps, but it could be apprehension also. So ya, no more positivity. It sucks!
Add to that, my wrist injury is back and I have radiating pains from my wrist to my shoulder. Driving is off the cards and so is pretty much everything else.
Update 3: Some movement on the GSMT
I went and met the new representative of the Rotary Club about the vocational training center for women we were in talks about. The tone seemed positive, but they want some cost/benefit analysis to be done to assess the actual impact of the program on women’s lives. So some more research and talks to be done. I hope it’s closed soon, since I would be out of commission for the better part of July and August.
I don’t even know why I am writing! My heart is not in it. I am just anxious and impatient and waiting for this process to get over so that I can get a BFP!
I think I’m gonna stop now, and I don’t know when I’ll be writing again. So till whenever – be seeing you!