I’ve been wanting to write for a few days but stuck for want of a wi-Fi connection. Finally the wait got too much and I’ve decided to type this out on my phone.
I’m in Mumbai now for the last leg of the baby project. Or rather the last egg retrieval and the first embryo transfer. And though I’m feeling very positive about this I’m physically sick. A wave of nausea has hit since the day I left Bangalore and it’s refusing to go away. I feel ready to heave any moment and that’s made my travel and interactions a nightmare here. And this before the treatment has even started!!!
Well it’s due to start tomorrow – or rather today since it’s after 12am (18th July) -finally and I’m dreading the sick feeling that’s yet to come. And the whole point of doing it alone and not even having someone to lean your head on or squeeze a hand when you feel unwell has dampened my spirits a bit. But I’m determined to stay happy and I find something to divert my mind. The fact that this cycle is parallel to the one I did last year is on my mind and that gives me some comfort that he’s watching over me.
Knowing that it’s July already is heavy on my heart for another reason. I’ve been sharing his memories on Facebook every day since I got his phone last year. And now in a month or so I won’t have anything new to share. Something that’s become a ritual will come to a halt. His Facebook wall was something I could keep alive for some time – and now that’s coming to an end too. It doesn’t sit well with me and I want to do something to remedy it. But I know I have more important things to focus on now and I try to curb that anxiety. If only this would work and I get that baby!
I’ve spent these last 2-3 days meeting people here. I wanted to finish up the courtesy calls before the shots started. From tomorrow I am going to be quite short tempered and volatile – and very disinclined to talk. So that’s out of the way now and I can stew in peace for the duration of the treatment. I’m also going to be off my phone a lot – to avoid answering questions about the progress. Instead I’m going to find a nice corner by the sea and look at the waves. I love watching the sea – especially rocky shores and tempestuous waters. And the rains have brought it closer too!
And so it starts…. With butterflies in my stomach