Disappointed

Yesterday only strengthened my belief that it’s futile to plan or expect or anticipate anything at all. Just day before the follicle growth was going so well; my doctor and I had had a discussion on the process and the transfer. I was keen on doing this now, since it’s exactly a year after Gaurav and I did it together. And then after the scan yesterday things changed.

Apparently this time I am at risk for OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome). It’s a side effect of fertility treatments and causes the ovaries to swell up and fill with fluid that can also get in to the abdominal space. The symptoms can be mild or critical, even leading to death in rare cases. One thing is clear though, OHSS is not good for embryo transfer. And since I was at risk, the trigger injection I got to release the eggs was chosen to minimize the chances of OHSS. So when you get THAT shot instead of the usual HCG, it’s again not a good bet to go ahead with the embryo transfer.

Add to this the fact that this time my uterine lining did not grow well. I think it’s the first time that’s ever happened. Usually by this time it’s a good 10mm, but this time it was not sufficient to sustain implant. So all said and done, it was decided that I cannot have the embryo transfer this time and I have to come back next cycle – sometime in September.

After so much of expectation building it’s weird to go back home without a baby. Disappointment doesn’t cover the feeling…

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