After 3 years and a lot of bumps on the road i’m finally going to be mommy. I’m not pregnant and I won’t give birth, but genetically the child is mine. It’s growing in a borrowed womb, and I can’t wait to see him/her. I am also terrified. How will I bond with a child that I didn’t grow in my belly? Will the child recognize me as the mom? I don’t know the first thing about being mommy… will I fuck up?
Questions, doubts, excitement, and loss – that’s my state of mind these days. Why loss? Because this day 3 years ago was my first embryo transfer. And a week later, my husband was dead. I’ve focused on nothing but this baby all these years, and finally he/she is here. But they’ll never know their dad in person. And he’ll never get the chance to play with his kid, to see them grow up, and become people that we’d have shaped together.
So as I start this solo journey, I want to record my adventures, and see where this takes me.